Judgment Day

Did I get it right, Lord?


I tried so hard to get it right.

I know I didn't speak to you every day, but I've always had a bit of a problem with one-way relationships... I made every effort to hear you. The noise down there was deafening.

Perhaps you could have spoken just a little louder?

I know I didn't adhere to every rule. I did attempt to, but they're awfully strict. It would have taken super-human strength. And I'm just me. I don't do super-human. Sometimes I struggle with human.

Would you have had me do things differently? Were the things I thought right actually wrong? Was I misguided? Misled? Did I abuse your creation? Did I abuse myself?

I found it terribly difficult to relate to those hard-and-fast speeches from people whose lives had little if nothing in common with mine. Even those you call your spokespeople... It was a little like talking at a mirror. It didn't aid my position much.

Would it help to have a new guide-book, do you think? Something a little more modern? A little more helpful to your people down there now? A word or two of encouragement, perhaps? A little less fire-and-brimstone? I did find, during my time down there, that softly-softly was quite an effective approach. Do you think you might give that some thought? Not that I want to teach you to suck eggs, you understand. I just sometimes wonder if you are all that... in touch?

Have I over-stepped the mark? My mouth does tend to run away with me. Sometimes my mind doesn't keep up and I find myself in a bit of a predicament. I certainly wouldn't wish to offend. It's just that, you know, I'm fresh from down there and I do understand a little how it works. Of course, I'm not trying to imply that you don't! It's just... oh dear. You see? I do talk too much.

Shall I just pop through there, then? Is that where you want me? Or... is it towards that waiting-room I'm headed? It is? Oh. OK. Erm... How long do you suppose I'll be waiting?

Ah. Until I ask no more questions? I understand. I'll work on that then.